Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Being In Love....

In a very brief but intense moment of self discovery, I have found that I love God but am not “in love” with God anymore. I have somehow allowed the slow deterioration of my profession rob me of that love. Trying to minister and please many different people daily, I have lost a love I desperately need and want that formulated who I am. I preach, talk, and study Jesus everyday. I assist others with their questions, insights, and the relevance Christ has in their daily life. I am deeply grateful of the blessing God has bestowed on me and my family. But a huge part is still missing.

I want to be “in love” with Christ again. I want to feel His presence like that day I did as a teenager when I felt all alone. I want to get nervous, scared, and anxious when I prepare for worship like I did when I was at the Lake Side Chapel at Bethany Hills in front of all my friends only worrying about touching someone, and not being cool. I want to once again experience that unconditional love, energy, and acceptance I felt as Kellie and I fellowshipped with hundreds teenagers at Kingsway. I desperately need to feel the hands of the Elders once again who laid their hands on me as I was ordained into ministry. I want to pray with confidence and boldness not just with hope. If Christ is my bride, I need a couples retreat. I want to feel the spiritual awakening as I take out my guitar and write of how Christ loves me without restrictions of wondering what others will think. I want romance to be apart of my worship. I want to laugh, dance, and have fun in the experience of time spent together. I want to live each day glowing, radiating with the love of Jesus Christ that everyone will inquire about that love too. I want to live my life where the only thing people can say at my eulogy is: “Man that dude was crazy, but he sure taught us how to love God, love our wives our children, and our family, and love our friends.” I must search for that spark, that fire, that deep mojo that once drew me so close to my relationship with Christ. I must revisit those old places we use to hang out at. I no longer want that happens in our world to deter me from the love I urgently desire. I must be intentional on finding that time and place to be “in love” once again. There I will find my truest potential.
Live, Love, Laugh,


Ali...Mom...Jeff's Wife...Barb's Daughter... said...

Oh, Tommy! I miss that fire we all felt at Bethany Hills and all the excitement of the youth at Kingsway, too!! You of all people have it in you - Christ's light has always shown through you, and you have certainly been an inspiration to me and my family. We love you, and we see Christ's love IN you. That fire has not gone out; it never will, Friend!

Anonymous said...

This is exactly how I feel... I know that I know I love God, but I want to feel his love on a so much deeper connection.